It's Giving: My Best.
And when I say best, I mean I'm wearing the same Old Navy activewear pants since Wednesday.
Dear Reader,
A lot has happened in the last two months. I saw Harry Styles in concert, I defended his Don’t Worry Darlings performance in a Zoom meeting, I thought my mother was going to die when I heard she needed to have emergency brain surgery, I started a cooking class where I was scolded for holding a knife incorrectly, I started to accept that my mother (who is not my favorite person) will probably never walk or speak correctly again—and am I allowed to be pained by a woman who will forever be in pain? And most recently, I’m uncoupling from my long-term partner Isabel—a decision made out of love and care, and certainly not an ounce of anger went into it. But it doesn’t mean I don’t burst into heartbreaking tears at the thought of how things will change, how things will be more difficult, how healing never feels good.
The details of the uncoupling are simple: Nothing is wrong, everything is love, individual growth is a priority. We could have stayed together, in love with everything going right to eventually look up years from now and wonder what happened to our 30s. Or we could separate amicably (like Key & Peele) and become better versions of our solo selves. This is all well and good until I had an anxiety attack to the tune of move out/move in, when will I have wifi Tetris with my schedule/work/new apartment, will anyone ever love me again?
And in all of this, I haven’t been very present. I’ve been hiding until I feel good enough again, which is unclear when that will be. My natural reaction is to be defensive and prove my innocence if I’m called out for not engaging in life, at work, with friends, on Slack, or in DMs—a psychic once told me that this is a past life trauma where I’ve been wrongfully accused so many times that now I’m always trying to show my work. I’m emotionally exhausted and all I can say is I’m trying my absolute best while I cry into my keyboard.
But! Here are some things I’m looking forward to:
An apartment fully decked out in the Beautiful by Drew Barrymore appliances in sage green.
Spending days perfecting a pasta shape or a croissant recipe.
Taking hot girl walks.
Living with less, spending less.
How I pull myself out of a depression crisis with just me and my brain to forge through.
I do think it will eventually all be okay. I mean, probably not with my mother. Probably not for Twitter. But I do see a streak of genuine happiness ahead.
I know you’re also trying your best. Hang in there.
— Laura
Food, Sex, TV, Beauty, Books, Fun
best-in-show
🥛I am sorry but . . . I still like whole milk. I know, I know. I hear all of you cringing. But I would be a good amount of money that this is not just an acquired taste for me, but something that’s part of my DNA. But the Chobani Oatmilk in Extra Creamy is by far the best alternative I’ve ever had.
🍑 Le Wand has a brand-new vibrating necklace! It’s a slim-line shape with a USB charging port—so you can be a really bad gurl and charge it on your work computer.
📺 Excited to follow up milk and vibrating necklaces with a recommendation to watch Abbott Elementary. It is such a delight, so hopeful, excellent writing! Note: I really wanted to give The L Word: Generation Q, Season 3 some props for their opening episode. But wow. Wow. 12 minutes in and there are already 9 new storylines.
💄 The ILIA Balmy Tint Hydrating Lip Balm is the best product on the market if you’re like me and want to do the bare minimum i.e. a lip balm that can double has a blush.
📖 Curvy Girls, Erotica For Women. I’ve probably read this 100 times, coming back to my favorite ones and just living in the sexual fantasies of these plus-size women. Maybe I go full force into my erotica career?
Italian Blue Make Me Think Of . . .
Freckles
Summers in the Bronx
Mister Softee’s Ice Cream Truck
Spode Italian Blue Plates
My Eyes
Glossier’s Sky Wash in Pool
The NYC Ferry
Watercolors
My Birthstone
Final Words: Go Slow & Go Solo
I’m not saying uncouple, breakup, walk away, or be Hans Solo. I’m sort of, kind of, trying to say: be on your journey. I feel like I’ve ebbed and flowed through mine—always finding different ways to come back to what I need. And I’ll get there (and so will you). It’s difficult to say “I need” for yourself. It almost feels narcissistic. But truly, it will be better in the long run.
Chat soon.
— Laura
Hey Laura is a short newsletter dedicated to body image, sad stuff, joy, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, essays, fatness, crying until you're a puddle of DNA, embarrassment, and so much weirdo stuff.
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