The thing about personal projects is that you can pause them, rethink them, noodle on what they mean and why. I haven’t been doing that. Simply, I stopped this newsletter for the better half of this year, not clear if I would bring it back or what direction it would take. I didn’t want to write anything — not true. I didn’t want to let anyone in anymore. I had just finished writing a book and saw what would ultimately be a short road to the eventual end for my grandmother. That plus feeling less interested in talking about my life while actual life was crumbling felt really fucking tragic to me. Like, who cares about a feta and tomato pasta when the earth is on fire? (I do. I’ve made it. It’s delicious).
So, I stopped writing and just put all my effort into my work, my dog, my braces (more on that later) and found myself inward. There was a point not that long ago when my Instagram would be filled with short essays with equally open images dedicated to my experience navigating this world. At the end of that reign, I was made to feel ashamed for posting, for letting others in, for being too much. I think (honestly, who knows if this is what I think, I’m just trying to work on myself) I have been angry at a lot of people and institutions and situations that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I’ve been holding on to that anger for awhile, still trying to let it go and let myself come back.
Why did I start this newsletter? Well, because I wanted my own opportunity to say something, to connect with others about being fat and queer and smart and weird trying to navigate the world, to make others not feel so alone in their own fat, queer, smart, weird experiences, to speak openly about sex without shame and to find way to rid myself of some of my own shame, to have an outlet for the myriad of feelings, to write and become a better writer for it, and to provide readers with a sense that someone else out there is possibly going through the same things as well.
Cheers to the comeback, the start over, the pause, the need to shut the fuck up and listen for awhile, to keep it all close to home for a bit. Will this newsletter stay on schedule? Gosh, I hope not for my own sake.
xoxo, laura
I went to the west coast and decided isn’t for me,
traipsing through sea of blue green possibilities all at a drive’s reach,
a feeling of crossing thousands of miles just to land at a strip mall
where smoothies and crystals are sold with wellness urgency next to teens at their perpetual summer job working the drive-thru line at In-And-Out.
Oh and the palms and pines and canyons and outdoors.
Am I being too Easty to ask the price of gas on that camper?
Grandma’s world occupied a walking 5-mile radius from her home on Coddington Avenue to the church she frequented,
the stores she purchased from, the salons she went to, and to her grave.
Like her, I wouldn’t be happy having to reach for the things I loved. But did she love the sun and the sand and the ease? She did. I do.
I looked up at the western sky asking if this kind of dry heat was real, if my slow pace was sustainable, could I live where my the pace of my existence was as leisurely as the amount of time it takes to order, pay for, and receive a cold brew.
New Yorkers dress like we’re going to a funeral for the lives we used to live when we cared. There is a lot of caring on the west coast.
You have to care about that smoothie to go out of your way to get it. And I don’t have the capacity for that kind of care.
(note: no shade to the west coast — it made my hair grow longer and skin feel better when there. also, dispensaries and smoothies and plants and sun are top notch.)
Links To Things
Artist To Love:
Kendra Dandy
Sol Cotti
Rob Wilson
Vero Romero
Bria Benjamin
Donate Here:
Women For Afghan Women
ASEEL
Afghanistan Crisis Appeal
Campaign Zero
Border Angels
For the Gworls Rent and Gender-Affirming Surgery
B-Word Gifts:
Breda’s Jane Watch
Beast Blender
Béis Natural’s Crossbody
Ask Me About My Braces
I’m in an immense amount of pain. I just had my braces tighten and then one of the wires popped out; currently poking the left side of my left cheek. I’ve been wearing InBrace braces since February, and I can honestly say that I have a master’s degree in the art of taking care of teeth. It’s not easy. I brush my teeth about 5x times a day and floss 3x + water pick through out. I am running out of mouth wash and inspect every little crevice before starting and ending my day. I’m shocked with all that is going on, people remember to brush and floss twice a day let alone the amount I do. Oh and also, because of the pressure on my front teeth one has become gray. So now I have to do some internal whitening to fix the smile I’m already trying to fix. Awesome. But here I am, trying to correct my teeth so I can smile more in a world where it feels difficult to smile. Ya know?
Level Of Eating Difficulty
Carrots - 8/10. I can do it but the crunch is always so intense
Sandwiches - 6/10. I can’t use my front teeth to bite so I look wild.
Soup - 0/10. Bring them to me.
Pasta - 4/10. It’s soft enough to bite but hard enough to be real food.
Salad - 9/10. Chewing flat lettuce is impossible.
Dual Vibrators Are For
Hey hello people who still have the energy to masturbate. Let me turn you on to this new product by Lelo: The Ina Wave 2 is the newest addition to the Lelo sex toy roster, and it’s a dual stimulator for all, all, all of the bodies. I must say, this product’s marketing really caught my attention. It’s elevated, editorial, modern — on top of having 12x vibration modes, finger massage motion technology, and 30% more power than other vibes of its kind. Products like this are often marketed to vulva-owners as g-spot and clitoral stimulation, but can totally be used external only, internal only, or anally (that smaller prong acts as a base).
Price: $199.
But Laura, why is it that much money?
Products like this will last you for years. All of my Lelo products have been in my toolbox for over 10 years, and are still high quality (Do I have a toolbox for my sex toys? You have to date me to find out). It’s rechargeable, 100% waterproof, made with non-porous and body safe material (it won’t harbor bacteria like other materials), has 12 different modes, and is designed to work with your body (the curves, the length, the width are made with anatomy in mind).
Now sure, shelling out 200 bucks for a sex toy is a lot. Definitely save up for this one if interested. Other options:
Lelo currently has a 25% off sale of other items: Here
Pair a Slim Line G with a Romp Flip vibe to experience the two-in-one experience.
Jimmy Jane has an Iconic line dedicated to affordable, high-quality sex toys. Mix and match, say, the bullet with the slimline or ring.
May you all find cover, quiet, a place to look at TikToks, SPF 10000, a space to cry your face off, friends to love, lovers to lay with, waterproof mascara.
Hey Laura is a off-track newsletter dedicated to body image, sad stuff, teeth, joy, poems, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, essays, fatness, crying until you're a puddle of DNA, embarrassment, and so much weirdo stuff. note: laura doesn’t take responsibility for your life and actions. she’s just an odd person on the internet that deeply wants to write everything in her heart and genitalia and flesh. some links:
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