why hello my earth angels,
did you also hit a pandemic wall this past week? i smacked my face clean into it and bled into my double mask. even though i promptly filled and swallowed each little vitamin in my pill case, even though i stretched, even though i was blessed by a brief friendship with a pitbull/lab mix in my building, i found myself staring at the hudson river last wednesday morning wondering if our bodies and brains are too far gone in this new world to ever feel normal when our old world comes back into play. then i read a slew of mind altering-simulation provoking theories (links below) and began questioning the meaning of life. great. very cool.
i don’t feel that way today or even yesterday. more of a last week thing — contained within a sun to sat. like a 24 hour cold but in week form. maybe i should stop listening to the bridgerton covers on spotify — it’s making me mid-day sentimental and depressed. and when that happens, i lock myself in the bathroom just to apply a cream or oil to self-sooth.
now, i’m not a beauty expert. in fact, it’s wild how much lid space i have without the basic knowledge of how to apply eyeshadow. while i’ve self-protected, deflected, covered every inch of myself just to step outside of my apartment, my bathroom has become a source of personal liberty — a space to shut the door, to experiment, to watch cartoons on my phone while i put on a sheet mask, to see my tattoos, to inspect the the latest ingrown hair on my inner thigh, take a 1pm shower before a 1:30 zoom, to sit and cry and apply body oils, to mix eye cream with foundation just to see if it will work, to simply shut a door. i love beauty and skincare products so much that i’m a little surprised that i’ve never shared that part of myself with anyone else.
i grew up with really really really really bad cystic acne. so bad that i was hospitalized 3x times for an infection from sed acne — i almost died at 19 because an infection had spread to my brain . . . maybe the most wild email i had to send to my professors freshman year of college. it was from stress, genetics, hirsutism, an eating disorder combined on the pizza face of an insecure kid. plus, i think i was too wrapped up in my own self-worth issues to bother with trying to ease it. i figured that this was it and i was going to live my life pimple-to-pimple.
things have changed, my confidence has changed, my skin has changed. my monthly full-face, laser hair removal appointments are back on in this new pandemia stage, and my bathroom has become my tiny little oasis away from the outside world. again, not a beauty expert but certainly an advocate for my own wellbeing. and if a B-oil is going to calm me down, well . . . so be it.
enjoy the rest, hotties
laura
ps. if you haven’t seen the britney spears documentary, do it.
links as mentioned above:
polygon’s a glitch in the matrix is a compelling trip into the emotional depths of conspiracy theories / the european physics journal’s a warped scalar portal to fermionic dark matter / quanta magazine’s physicists study how universes might bubble up and collide / nyt’s did an alien life-form do a drive-by of our solar system in 2017?
before we go any further, i’d love to call your attention to a few donation/resources spots:
Anti Racism Daily — it’s a really cool daily newsletter + they are currently doing 28 Days Of Black History; a virtual exhibition of 28 works that celebrate Black legacy in the U.S. today’s newsletter is about painter Laura Wheeler Waring who’s work speaks to elderly working-class women. Subscribe and donate to get on the newsletter. Or follow on instagram.
Support the Cause Against Anti-Asian Violence — there is a surge of anti-Asian hate crimes across the u.s. and it’s fucking despicable. while the goal for the linked gofundme has already been hit, this community organization plans to redistribute their funds to other organizations.
The BIPOC Adult Industry Collective - i firmly and with all my heart believe in sex work. i believe it is good and just and valid and deserves respect. this collective provides services and and financial assistance to members of the community and is currently raising funds for mutual aid and operating costs. check out their site and instagram.
hey laura face favorites
milk makeup matcha detoxifying face mask — it’s a roll-on mask that is excellent for those of use who’s face get irritated in the cold weather
mario badescu super collagen mask — rehydrating my witch skin one application at a time.
kiehl's cannabis sativa seed oil herbal concentrate face oil — this oil is worth every drop of the $52 it is priced at. redness gone, painful pimples eliminated, irritants have left the building.
nano steamer — i have no space in my bathroom for this but i honestly cannot care one bit for how nice and soft my face feels afterwards
aesop parsley seed facial cleansing oil — my non gf gf is going to find out that i’m using her product after this newsletter goes out. . . but it’s so good.
low sex drive
my biggest secret — well maybe not my biggest but certainly one that it difficult for me — is that i have a very very very low sex drive. which, ya know, is odd when you’re most known for writing about sex, educating about sex, talking about sex, having great sex. i literally worked in a sex shop in grad school and into my mid-20s — i should crave it. but i don’t. i’ve always been a bit embarrassed by this. i wish i could figure it our especially considering how much i know (ask me anything about lube, sex toys, anal, a-spots, pain, knife play, best strap-ons, porn — i will tell you), but this is just what it is.
if i’m honest, it’s a combination of not entirely trusting anyone, control issues from growing up in a deeply unstable environment, sexual abuse and assault, and eating disorder recovery all rolled into me trying to feel aroused. and that’s okay . . . my therapist tells me every week that it is (i mean, the ways in which i got here is totally not okay but it is okay that i navigate this body to the best of my ability). intimacy is super hard for me and that emotional barrier makes it difficult to get into it.
now, let’s layer on a pandemic where everyone needs to stay far away and wash hands and distance themselves. while it’s a physical barrier, we are all feeling the mental effects of it. intimacy has changed, arousal has changed. i swear, my last fantasy was heavily centered around not wearing a mask . . . it was hot and covid-free in my mind.
so, what does one do in this situation? well, the one thing we are going to try really hard not to do is make ourselves feel guilty. you don’t want to have sex? cool. you don’t have to. don’t want to masturbate? totally fine. want to find ways to boost your arousal? let’s do it on your terms.
ease tension the yoni topical oil by brown girl jane by providing cbd healing power to genitals.
set up some time to relax with a cbd spa bundle. check out buena botanicals for kit.
try watching porn to get your brain in the mood while your genitalia catches up — note: porn is great but it is a fantasy. it is the same as filming a movie, just with naked people. use it as inspo but not fact. if there is something you’re interested in, learn about it. take online workshops, pay experts — and then also pay for your porn.
audio erotica is out there an available for you to listen to.
products like foria’s awaken oil increase blood flow to the genitals and allow for more relaxation in the area
schedule sexy time with yourself or a partner or lover . . . but if it doesn’t happen it’s all good. i tend to find ways to make my day as stress free as possible on scheduled days so there are little distractions.
stretch a bit! i’ve been doing a lot of youtube yoga vids from reyna cohan lately and it has been helping.
speak to your partner, lover, even yourself honestly about how you feel and what you need.
i was going to write more and break out more of my thoughts but i need to go double cleanse. happy wednesday to all and to all a very very very chill night.
Hey Laura is a weekly newsletter dedicated to body image, sad stuff, joy, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, essays, fatness, crying until you're a puddle of DNA, embarrassment, and so much weirdo stuff. note: laura doesn’t take responsibility for your life and actions. she’s just an odd person on the internet that deeply wants to write everything in her heart and genitalia and flesh. some links:
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