why hello my dear angels,
how are you doing today? this past week i’ve been finalizing the last edits of my book, pulling together my taxes, lifting myself out of a 3 week depression, and then i got braces…yes, braces. inbrace to be exact. i have to be honest….i’m stressed. i know i need to give this 2ish weeks to feel comfortable, but gosh my anxiety is super high about this. my speech is off and it’s making me nervous about presenting at work. i can’t chew for a bit and it’s hardcore bringing up some previous eating disorder feelings. anyone here experience this? i’m going to give it the 2x weeks to see where i’m at and then i’m going to make some decisions about whether i keep these on or not.
with them on, i’ve been thinking a lot about how we use our mouth — to be heard, to experience flavor, to lend a voice, to give pleasure. so this edition is dedicated to oral. obvs… this is going to be very NSFZ.
xoxo,
laura
before we get into that, please check out the following places to donate and support:
#EnoughIsEnough — a grassroots initiative by Asian American business owners in NYC who came together to take action on the recent surge in nationwide hate crimes against the Asian American community.
We Are Home — a campaign calling on the current administration to take action to protect immigrants from interior detention and deportation systems.
Campaign Zero — a platform that provides researched-based policy solutions to end police brutality.
Boarder Angels — a non-profit organization dedicated humane immigration reform and social justice by reducing the number of deaths along the US-Mexico border.
Send Chinatown Love — an online platform that supports Asian-owned small businesses that have been disproportionately impacted by Covid-19.
oral fixations
cigarettes — i used to smoke as a teen. i sometimes think about it.
crème brûlée — my best article is about crème brûlée
butts — i love a butt. i love large, wide, hefty butts.
sunflower seeds — i would crack and eat these all day if i could.
nail biting — i’ll never give this up, i don’t care what stat you have about it being gross.
ferrero rocher chocolates — do you or do you not suck on these?
how to give oral sex to a vulva like a pro
in my early 20s, i did 3-4 workshops in a month on sex education and techniques when i was a sex educator at the pleasure chest in the west village. and for all the sex toy workshops, all the blowjob workshops, all the masturbation workshops i’ve taught, my cunnilingus workshop was always the popular one. (note: it took me years as a professional creative to tell anyone that i used to work at a sex shop…but then i was like, welp…this is me. you don’t like it, that’s on you…and you’re a prude loser. everyone reading this is not sed prude loser). so here is some advice on giving to your vulva-owning partner.
have a conversation. speak to your partner, lover, hookup about what they like/don’t like or if there are any hard nos before touching them. for example: i always tell partners that i’m extremely sensitive and it would be better to go around my clit and not directly on it. i have at some point probably said she’s the hottest bitch at the party . . . . give her attention, but don’t you dare look at her directly. and why does this matter? well, because some people like direct stimulation, some people like indirect, some people would like penetration during, and some people don’t. this conversation will give you insight into how this person would like to be touched, and to me that is super hot.
use the correct name. i use vulva/clit for myself but this area could also be named cock if that is what your partner likes. it is very very hot to respect the names we give our genitalia.
use a flat tongue to stroke on the outside of their underwear. go up, wait a second, go down, wait a second. this helps to build tension and arousal without even touching the area directly. you have to preheat the the oven up before you want it to cook, right? same goes for this.
where are your hands? just because your mouth is in use doesn’t mean your hands should just lay there! if you can, bring your hands into the mix by massaging the labia, squeezing the buttocks, pressing against the pad of the anus, or even holding your partner’s arms down (consensually).
mix it up. flex your tongue and use the tip to lick tiny circles over the clitoral hood. it is the little flap of skin over the clit. this is an excellent move for those who want more but don’t necessarily like direct stimulation on their clit (again, use the name you want for your body).
pressure, please. use your fingers to gently pull the clitoral hood upward so you can focus the tip of your tongue on the clit. add light pressure, then remove. do it again. and again, and again.
hum a song. or put a small vibrator up against your cheek while you slowly and gently suck on the outer perimeter of their clit. it’s a fun, double sensation.
want a toy that feels like oral?
satisfyer pro 2
lelo sona cruise
womanizer duo stimulator
toyfriend smooth snazzy clitoral vibrator
sqweel 2 oral sex simulator
lipstick bitch
i currently own 5 red lipsticks. 2 are in rotation and the rest are on standby. i was never a lipstick (or makeup) person growing up. i actually started wearing lipstick regularly in the last 4-5 years. i was always scared that no one would pay attention when i was speaking, so i began putting on bright ass red lipstick so everyone would be drawn to my mouth. right now, the braces make me want to be camera off and sound off….what was i thinking? well, i was thinking you’re not going to have teeth or be able to chew properly in the future without this alignment, laura, so suck it up. i will still deal and still wear my red lipstick. some favorites:
i found my marc jacob’s le marc lip crème at a sephora in palm springs, california. i was looking for a lotion and walked out with the oh miley 200 shade.
tell laura by charlotte tilbury was a happy accident. i found it online without looking at the name, and then it was there in a package a few days later — as if the shade was made for me.
kim chi beauty’s high key gloss in apple is glossy, shiny, glides on, and you’re buying from kim chic the drag queen who is just better than all of us. i came for the drag and ended up being sucked into the cosmetics.
sandwich porn
i can’t eat my beloved subway for awhile until i get used to these braces, so here is a little porn i made for you of my last sandwich. enjoy, lovers.
Hey Laura is a weekly newsletter dedicated to body image, sad stuff, joy, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, essays, fatness, crying until you're a puddle of DNA, embarrassment, and so much weirdo stuff. note: laura doesn’t take responsibility for your life and actions. she’s just an odd person on the internet that deeply wants to write everything in her heart and genitalia and flesh. some links:
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Hi Laura! I just wanted to say your speech WILL normalize as your teeth and mouth get used to the braces. I did g*%#amned Invisalign b/c my dentist told me my teeth were so misaligned they were breaking each other. Every time I changed trays my lisp would come back for a few days and then go away. And I couldn’t bite ANYthing, it totally sucked. BUT, if it means keeping our teeth......it’s worth it, and it’s not forever! Good luck!!! 💜💜💜