Hi hello I’m very sick. Not Covid sick. Don’t worry, I checked and checked and checked again. Like, the real flu where you drown your organs in NyQuil and hope for the best. Sorry if you’ve interacted with me lately and you’re like “Is she…high?” Probably, yes, but just on over-the-counter medicine. I keep having dreams where I’m 13 and swimming in a rainbow forest. That’s the NyQuil, right? Or is that my inner child screaming to come out? Either way, I’m not about to take a sick day and ruin my “YOU MUST SUFFER OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN” internalized catholicism. Watch. I’ll rest and then something will happen, like the internet will collapse or I’ll miss something important or Ted Lasso will get canceled and it will be all my fault.
I went to a psychic on Sunday and she told me so many wild things. So wild that I can’t even begin to process all of it. But she told me that I was a very young spirit, constantly trying to learn and be excited about what’s next, a spirit that is afraid to mess up or explore. “You’re afraid of life because life hasn’t been kind to you,” she said, and then apologized for not being able to hear my little brother who had passed away when I was 5.
In some ways, I still feel like I’m there. A 5 year-old kid who doesn’t really understand what’s going on putting on big girl pants (with stretch) seeking all the guidance that she can in order to navigate the world. She also mentioned my temper, something I’ve tried to get rid of for a very long time. I never was able to find my way around it. But she told me that it was because I’m constantly trying to prove I’m innocent, something must have happened to me in a past life and I’ve been lashing out ever since to prove that, yes, I am the good guy in ever scenario.
Maybe it is the inner child talking to me and not just the NyQuil. Regardless, sorry for whatever happens while I’m napping for the next hour. I promise I didn’t mean it.
xoxo,
laura aka tired girl aka must nap or will throw a tantrum.
We are the 5-year-old, the teen, the young adult, the finally can have a drink 21-year-old, the first pair of black panties purchaser, the young woman who went on 2 dates in one day all wrapped up in one body. A past, present, future combo pack, an evolving template of who we are and who we want to become.
I always wanted to be this elusive nymph night girl with platinum hair and tattoos, someone everyone knew of but nobody truly understood. A girl with lovers rather than relationships, who’s apartment was her divine sanctuary filled with art and poems that she refuses to copy edit. A girl who loves and loves and loves some more.
I worry that maybe I’ve damaged myself too much to ever be that girl. That I hated myself too much to believe anyone would even find me remotely attractive. That it would be an improbability to consider that I am desirable, that I am the elusive nymph night girl with platinum hair.
If I’m honest, I’m scared of that girl. I’m scared that she has fallen into herself and doesn’t know a way out. I’m scared that she can’t afford to be so carefree. That her tiny apartment will just be a hide out from the world. That her validation will solely come from others and not from herself. That her inner child will be screaming and alone.
Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this deeply. Or the only one who is worried that her past self is making it really fucking difficult for her present self to move forward. I’m guessing just like with real little kids, I can’t tell the little kid inside me to shut up and quit crying. That probably caused a lot of this in the first place.
Some Links
Donate Here:
Clean Air Task Force
Deep South Center for Environmental Justice
Rain Forest Foundation
Giving Green Earth
Project Drawn Down
NAACP
Plastic Oceans
Texas Choice Fund
The Stigma Relief Fund
Plan C Pills
Buckle Bunnies Fund
Minnesota Freedom Fund
Women For Afghan Women
National Bail Fund Network
ASEEL
Afghanistan Crisis Appeal
Recipes:
Flourless Chocolate Almond Cookies
Homemade Hazelnut Chocolate Spread
Strawberry Shortcake
Carrot Tarte Tatin
Raspberry Cheesecake Lollipop Tarts
Italian Wedding Cookies
What I Know About Being Italian-American
(For context: My second book might be on this exact subject so I’m mining my brain for material).
There is a gold name-plate necklace waiting for you the moment you’re born.
Someone from somewhere that was at your cousin’s wedding is related to Michael Imperioli.
If you’re not being called fat while being guilted into a second helping, then are you even Italian?
There are far too many Joes, Anthonys, Chris’ in the family but each one has a nickname to distinguish.
It’s the Father, the son, and the holy spirit, and make sure you kiss your rosary afterwards.
The women are the head of the table, the men are kind of off to the side enjoying their ravioli and watching the game.
1/2 Coca Cola + 1/2 red wine with a large ice cube is a drink of choice
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This very cool, multi-sensation toy is a sexy designed dream. One part cock ring, another part butt plug, this hybrid is perfect for solo or partner play. If you’re asking why oh why do this combo, well, simply it’s all about working with biological pleasure! The cock ring part (stretchy/adjustable) goes around the base of a bio penis and testicles, pushing blood/tension forward to make that area significantly more sensitive and hard! And the butt plug is a weighted, silicone design that presses on all the nerve-endings inside the anal canal as well as pressing on the prostate — which feels otherworldly good. AND the plug part vibrates to really have an entire, sensational experience! Maybe you experience a hands-free orgasm, or even ejaculation without the orgasm (fun fact: those are two separate functions)!
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Who can use this? While designed for people with biological penis-parts, who’s to say that you can’t put the cock ring on a strap-on and use the plug while you’re with a partner? Or even use the plug separately and have the cock ring hold a vibrator in place? Of course, there are some sex toy boundaries (like, use lube and make sure the butt plug or any anal toy has a base) but like, they are all up for interpretation.
Wanna try?: $110
Have A Lovely Week
Be kind, be curious, take that Nyquil if you need it, and drink your water (my psychic told me that I don’t drink enough). I’ll leave you with my truest of true feelings:
Hey Laura is an off-track newsletter dedicated to body image, sad stuff, teeth, joy, poems, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, essays, fatness, crying until you're a puddle of DNA, embarrassment, and so much weirdo stuff. note: laura doesn’t take responsibility for your life and actions. she’s just an odd person on the internet that deeply wants to write everything in her heart. some links:
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