If you haven’t been following me on Instagram, here is my life update:
I was in Cali for the last few weeks with a garbage AirBnb that I had to fight customer service and the host for a refund.
The apartment was not at all what was on the listing — stress!
I had a few cool projects launch and articles go live. Yay!
Living in Palm Springs for my last 2x west coast weeks so I can live out my retiree fantasies again a mid-century modern back drop.
My nutritionist and my therapist tell me that my perfectionism is the root cause of a lot of issues.
Social media is less important to me now than it has ever been.
I just . . . I don’t know. I feel less inclined to share what is happening with me when there is so much else going on, especially since I don’t 100% feel trying to give advice and fun stories or thoughtful anecdotes. But what I can do is talk about where I’m at and some other cool things along the way. This edition is about right here, right now, and honoring where you’re at.
Before a late night swim in Palm Springs. I am reminded of being a teen and fearing going into the pool in daylight. Even then, I couldn’t be in the moment.
Today In Fat Girls Club
Ranting:
I have a really hard time staying in the moment. I’m always thinking, overthinking, overly over forever thinking about the next step, what I look like on Zoom cameras, how each move will affect something somehow. But mainly, I think about my body and the space it occupies. While I’m not the head of Fat Girls Club (though, if there was a nomination…), but I’m going to speak on behalf of all of us right now:
Every fat person you know is deeply exhausted. Like, so exhausted from having to adjust their life in order to live an okay one based on arbitrary standards. I live on Zoom calls and still worry about being perceived as lazy from my appearance. And today I’m just like…honestly, what the fuck, why do I care so much? Why am I so exhausted? Well, because if you’re in a fat body you have to be on top of every interaction you have because you have to not come across as lazy, hungry, desperate, angry, upset because if you do, the chances that you won’t get that next job or opportunity are super high. You’re a constantly a representative for fatness, and it’s so exhausting.
Things I Think About All The Time That Make It Difficult To Live In The Moment
Disinfectants can cause weight gain because of how they mess with your microbiome.
The BMI lowering in the 90s so healthcare pros could prescribe more ‘scripts.
Adele’s social value after weight loss then when she won her Grammys/Oscar.
Fit Amy.
Pig pulling dates.
One-size fits all lies.
Fat costumes.
Oversized clothing for thin people.
Artist that create fat aren’t but aren’t fat themselves.
Loving Lizzo but not having a fat friend.
What do you think would happen if we were on our body’s team? Like, all the time. Like like, right now when we’re all so stressed and frustrated and dealing with all the things? Why can’t we let ourselves naturally grow?
The Handwriting Exercise
What you’ll need:
pen
paper
a moment in time where you don’t judge yourself
1. Write your name with your dominant hand on a piece of paper. Pay attention to how it makes you feel: the name, the pen in your hand, the way the ink flows, all of it.
2. Switch hand and do the same thing. Take your time and think about how you feel.
3. Look at the two signatures. Is there a difference between both? What is the difference?
4. Did it feel awkward or odd holding/writing with your non-dominant hand? Compare and contrast the sensation of holding the pen in each hand.
5. What were your feeling when you were writing with your non-dominant hand? Frustration, impatience, anger? Did you have the expectation that the name should have appeared to the same quality as your dominant hand even though it has less experience?
Note: Both hands have access to the same brain, but one hand has more experience, goes faster, doesn’t have to think. Sometimes when we’re just trying to understand where we’re at with our bodies, our sex lives, our life, we all have a tendency to speed up and take a faster, more experienced, less thoughtful path because the other way is frustrating, fearful, stressful.
Have any of us been feeling this way cooped up at home?
Found Found Found
Tara Booth’s drawings about sex and sobriety.
Fat Art History — dang, I wish this was a major.
[Podcast] Who We Are: A Chronicle Of Racism In America by Ben & Jerry’s and Vox Creative. I’m bias as my 9-5 work team made this (bunch of gems over there), but it is so beautiful and heartbreaking and made me realize how much I need to unlearn and relearn from my American history education.
Why Is Our Culture Preoccupied With How BIPOC Children Eat? by Virgie Tovar.
Loop Social. I’ve been talking about this on my Instagram, and it’s really fun! It’s basically like a talk-group therapy app where you chat with different people anonymously.
Temporary Stay / 5
Marion felt bold. “For someone with a heart tattooed on to them, you don’t show too much emotion. Why did you ask me to join you?”
The woman in red looked at her red heart tattoo on her wrist as she placed her wine glass down. She didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she stared at Marion for what felt like hours, but could have only been 30 seconds — her eyes roaming Marion’s face. “Have you found what you’re looking for here in Paris?" Marion responded: “I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for, if I’m honest.”
A red wine appeared in front of Marion from the hand of one of the waiters.
“I didn’t order this.”
“It’s from me. A pity to sit at a café in Paris and not drink wine, no?” The woman’s hand reached to Marion’s and grazed her palm—her fingers dancing back to her rightful space at the table.
1-800-HEYLAURA is a weekly newsletter dedicated to body image, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, and so much weirdo stuff. Note, Laura doesn’t take responsibility for your life and actions. She’s just an odd person on the internet that deeply wants to write everything in her heart and genitalia and flesh. Some links:
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