Dear Reader,
Wow, have I not written this since December 2021? Time flies when you’re trying to get by. So many things have happened in the last 3ish months — first, finally coming out of the depression spiral that kept me from writing this newsletter. My Pisces brain leads me on this wild, year-long “Nope, no one cares about you” path that keeps me from doing anything other than the things I want to be doing i.e. my longstanding newsletter that puts all the blah in my head somewhere, anywhere. And while I’ll probably never get rid of that part of me, I’m trying to manage it. But also, ya gurl was busy.
Why do we all do this? I mean, I don’t know if we all do this but I’m thinking it’s pretty common considering how many conversations I have with co-workers about forgetting to drink water throughout the day. I sometimes think my brain is trying to emotionally and physically kill me and turn me into a flubber puddle of green slime. My brain, of course, would be like, “No one would buy your slime even though slime is apparently something people buy.” I’m not cool and don’t know what the cool kids are doing, but MY BRAIN KNOWS THAT I AM NOT WORTHY OF THE GOOD STUFF.
As someone who writes about pleasure, I know how hard it is to give it to yourself. I’m not even talking about sexual pleasure. Just like . . . drinking water pleasure. Our bodies and brains are sometimes out of sync with each other, and that’s fine and happens and very normal. If I can impart any advice (other than buy quality lube), definitely find a little bit of pleasure today. Even if it’s stretching or taking a walk or reading a paragraph in a book . . . you deserve it!
Some stuff:
I am officially a published author as of today! “My Pleasure: An Intimate Guide to Loving Your Body and Having Great Sex” is out on bookshelves and in the world! Thank you for all of the support!
Listen to my guest interview on the Women Who Travel podcast!
Want to learn how to sext? I wrote a piece for Dame about it!
You know that career I have? Also, if you don’t know . . . all good. I need to start talking about it! Well, I made something very special: The Allstate Foundation x Hello Sunshine x Vox: A resource dedicated to understanding and stopping financial abuse. Hub, News, Press
Maybe I should tweet: Whenever I watch a competition show where the contestant has to select an option (like a cake to make or something), and they select with their family/friends in mind. Like, “I’m going to select the sneaker to make because my kid is a sneaker head.” Babe . . . is the sneaker in your skillset?! If not, select something else and buy your kid sneakers with the win money.
Constantly trying,
Laura
Self-Contained < > Pink
If you were to come over and look in my closet (ps, this wouldn’t happen because it would require me to let people into my life), you’d find a wall of black clothes, a dresser of black panties, black bags, and sunnies all to have a wall exterior. Style yes, gothy of course, but honestly . . . I wear black to keep everyone away from me. It’s my “get the fuck outta here” attitude that lives on the edge of my skin when I exist in the world — especially as a New Yorker. In Roxane Gay’s Hunger, she speaks about her body being this wall/barrier between her and the world — using size as a way to ward away people to not cause harm or hurt her in the process of life. I wear black because it’s not as noticeable to see my round, apron belly. It makes my silhouette leaner, more adaptable. I don’t stand out as much in black. Even writing this is giving me good fatty vibes, and I have been trying to divorce myself of that rhetoric for some time (for my body acceptance peeps: this whole this is a wild journey. Don’t be hard on yourself.).
Pink represents this unruly character in my head, this person who just has fun. This come what may, put your foot up on a chair while reading a book, join Zoom calls from bed, wiggly and wobbly, a spreading of your arms out in public person that is antithetical to how I was raised/taught to be (a self-contained orb). Does anyone else associate fun with instability? Oh just me? Great great great. But as I’m growing and changing and adjusting, I’m learning that fun, pink, no barrier life isn’t a sign to the universe that I need to be punished for a little sway.
Upcoming Weird, Traumatic, Gun-Related, Dealing With In Therapy Story (scroll scroll scroll if you need): I was held at gunpoint twice a few years ago. They happened a few months apart and the experiences destroyed my sense of safety. I still dream about it, but at the time I remember thinking: I’ve got 10ish good years before the universe pulls some shit like that again on me. This idea of checks and balances and being good swims around my brain and calms my compulsiveness. It keeps me away from the pinks and the verbal woooo hooooos and the arms spread everywhere. It’s my all-black closet. It’s my spreadsheets. It’s me keeping people away.
Below, a few pink items I just bought for myself. I don’t know if I’m a pink clothing gurl. But maybe. Who knows. I’m just going to find some ways to stretch beyond my contained barriers.
Click On Me
Donate Here
The Loveland Foundation — Mental health resources and therapy fund for Black women and girls.
Liberty Humane Society — Providing animals in need with a chance at a lifelong, loving home.
Trans Lifeline — Hotline that connects direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis
Plan C Pills — Resources and access to safe, free, at-home abortions pills.
NAACP — Building long-term programs to empower Black communities.
Buckle Bunnies Fund — Funding abortions across Texas.
Minnesota Freedom Fund — Funds criminal bail and immigration bonds, and ends discriminatory, coercive, and oppressive jailing.
Women For Afghan Women — A civil society organization dedicated to protecting the rights of disenfranchised Afghan women and girls in Afghanistan.
Order My Book: “My Pleasure: An Intimate Guide to Loving Your Body and Having Great Sex”
Bookshop.org
Indiebound
Barnes and Noble
Amazon
Chronicle Books
Get A Handle On It w/ Fleshlight’s Dildo Handles!
The intersection of pleasure and design is an extremely fun and clever place to be as it can help enhance your sex life! Dildos can be a bit difficult to hold because of the material, the size, the slipperiness of it all — legit, the easiest way to get hand spasms (think: computer mouse or trackpad pain). Fleshlight designed a product to insert (lol) inside the base of their dildos so that the user can have more control over their own/their partners’ pleasure. Yes, it is designed for their dildos (find here), but many dilds have a socket at the bottom for bullet vibes. Plus, this gives the operator more range of motion to use more of the toy without body parts getting in the way (hello, me with a belly who likes big butts . . . lots of flesh to pass on the way to genitalia — which, I love). This is a super-smart way to really get in there! Enjoy!
Price Range: $5-30
Final Thoughts
I think we’re all trying to manage our own demons, no matter our success or accomplishments or big wins or book launches + is the world crumbling? Maybe today for teensy moment, we can just breathe and tell our brains to shut the fuck up.