why hello hello creatures from the blue and green lagoon,
the depression was on high this week. like, who am i kind of depression. the kind that makes me want to pack all of my bags and hide out somewhere so no one can find me — but then be deeply sad that no one has found me. the paradox of an upstream pisces. my basic needs are met; a realization that makes every ounce of sadness turns to smoke but lingers in every pleasure, every rose petal, every espresso (depresso).
i haven’t been outside in a few days . . . maybe that’s part of it. and, if i’m honest, i’ve never been much for nature until these last few months. notoriously a concrete jungle bitch, i’ve been trying to find any excuse for a walk or a lay in the grass or dip in the ocean. i will go outside again (quarring for an on-site project so i keep friends and crews and talents safe), but realizing that maybe one day i might not be able to.
and while, i’m sad (sad girls be sadding) it’s quite an excellent and historic time period in american history. can you imagine future history textbooks summarizing the last week, the last few months, the last year, the last 5ish years? tiktok will be mentioned, amanda gorman will be there, bernie will have an entire section of our history books (all memes and stickers, obvs). there is so much that will be in there, but one for sure will be the reinstating of the paris climate agreement.
what is the paris climate agreement? it’s an international agreement created to address climate change and its negative impacts — specifically to reduce global greenhouse gas emissions to limit the global temperature increase. it was created in paris during the united nations framework convention on climate change’s (unfccc) 21st conference of parties (cop 21). while created in Dec 2015, the us formally joined in 2016.
what’s the issue? the tr*** administration removed the u.s. from the paris climate agreement in 2017 because he is a tragic baby climate denier. and while the u.s. did not pull it’s weight, other countries did as well as the america’s pledge, united states climate alliance, we are still in, and american cities climate challenge.
what’s happening? president biden has recommitted the u.s. to the paris climate agreement but there is catching up to with emission reduction and rebuilding trust with other leaders.
what can we do? we can try to do small things like recycle clothes, unplug electronic devices when done, use every drop of water to the fullest extent, downsize, eat less meat, walk more (getting back to it). yes . . . hey laura is a newsletter about bodies and sex and butts and art, but also about what is happening right now in the world, and i just can’t seem to shake the feeling that we’re riding too close to the sun for comfort.
(not everyone has the means to donate and that’s okay, but if you’re looking for places, see some below)
Clean Air Task Force
Deep South Center for Environmental Justice
Rain Forest Foundation
Giving Green Earth
Project Drawn Down
NAACP
Plastic Oceans
but but but but in honor of our reinstatement, i’ve been thinking a lot about paris and parisian life and feeling that effortlessness that comes from when you know your government wants to protect you well being. parisian is a mindset i hesitate to associate with . . . a fat girl? parisian? what will the newspapers say? feeling paris-like in any way has this aura to it — one that can’t be bothered with the pettiness of extra fat or even the need to wear a bra (i NEED to wear a bra). it’s the opposite of try-hard, and being fat (in my experience) is a try-hard game. even as a kid i was told to make my face pretty and be the smartest or i would never get anywhere because everyone hates fat people (the proof is literally in the non-pudding on biggest loser, where there are no winners but people who hate fat bodies) and i’d have to be perfect in every other way in order for it to be overlooked.
according to my spit swab i sent to 23andme (and the government), i’m approximately 85% italian, 6% hungarian, and a sliver of french (the thinnest thing about me). maybe it’s not enough to call myself a true parisian but i don’t care. let us all just embrace our fantasies considering most of our real life excitements have been crushed (on a sliding scale) over the last year. a parisian i shall be, double fisting croissants in defiance.
xoxo,
laura
the most french things about me
i love bread and butter
sheer bras as the only bras i own
i say lover even when it feels a little too vulnerable to say it
red lips forever
museum saturdays
wine sundays
early morning walk mondays
i own a red clare v crossbody that i would die if it was lost
i will make any excuse to read alone at a cafe
i hate to run
i refuse to hear that my size indicates that i can’t participate in this lifestyle
the least french things about me
i’m not french
i don’t speak french, but i have taken a class and do duolingo.
the most most most french thing about me
me scooting around paris with peachy pink hair:
laura in paris
i have spent so long living on the other side of chicness, petiteness, parisianess; feeling too bulbous, too big to ever occupy minimalist spaces — literally and figuratively. clothing stores would have me believe i don't exist. dating often corners my body into a non-consensual fetish. restaurants filtering their customer base by not offering seating for all bodies. advertisements lack the knowledge of representing my body as anything other than a "before" image — each looking for simple color stories, smaller sizes, smaller occupants, *less is more* aesthetics to match who they want to wear their clothes, hold their hands, represent their brands, eat at their restaurants. i have never, will never exist in those worlds. however. the last 12 days abroad was spent sitting at every petite cafe, looking through all the vintage stores, eating bread everywhere i could, being told i was beautiful everywhere. . . and i never felt too big, too bulbous to be there. interesting, right? i spent an entire life being told i don't match an aesthetic that i physically can’t that when i got here, my body was overwhelmingly welcome. hey, us fashion, beauty, food, dating, lifestyle industry: you need a redo.
plus-size (femme) parisian items
universal standard has great denim options for that simple jeans and t-shirts look.
almé paris is a legit french plus size brand with cool options.
wraynyc is uncomplicated and cool.
if you look hard enough, loft has some cute items.
hill house goes up to a size 2xl (which is bare minimum sizing inclusivity but fine)
la redoute has some basics
warp+weft denim is fire
breda watches. i want this one in case anyone wants to buy it for me.
alohas (made in spain but still paris as fuck)
therapist and hottie esther perel once said:
“in america, sex represents risk. in europe, the risk is having sex irresponsibly; sex is a natural thing.”
french sex is very chill
remove the ritual and stress of dating, just have sex
stop caring about the sex life of public figures
sex is sex, hook ups are for cable wires — we don’t need to give it another name
place your insecurities elsewhere and have fun
oral sex isn’t a given with every encounter
try something new
laugh in the middle of everything
need water? grab water
anal is on the table
but get consent!
speak to your lover about your other lover (respect, ya know)
use sex toys and accruement that you need, refuse to feel shy about it
found found found
the lounge area of my dreams
chateau salverte is a bed and breakfast in normandy that does bee keeping!
this very cute dog
@coolestgirlsaregreen is french and sustainability dream
@pieces.of.paris is lovely
some french things for you to do today:
make a coffee at home
dress simple
live small
reuse your glassware and bottles for cute vases
feel sexy . . . especially if you have a belly or cellulite or acne or thick thigh
consider what you purchase — will you use it more than once?
walk
stretch
read something fun
read something sexy
write something sexy
appreciate the earth
Hey Laura is a weekly newsletter dedicated to body image, sad stuff, joy, sexual wellness, life, butts, confidence, essays, fatness, crying until you're a puddle of DNA, embarrassment, and so much weirdo stuff. note: laura doesn’t take responsibility for your life and actions. she’s just an odd person on the internet that deeply wants to write everything in her heart and genitalia and flesh. some links:
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Very much appreciated all of this today. Feeling it all as well - the sadness, the concern of the environment, the desire to escape, and the need to be perfect if you are fat. Onward and upward.