Who do you / did you want to be? I’ve been thinking a lot this ideal version of myself — she paints, she runs, she finds time to be present, and she is happy in this fantasy. And while I like those things (except running . . . I’ve tried), they don’t drive me or come from my core. My natural state is go, go, go to the point where I feel uncomfortable when I’m not constantly stressed or controlling everything in my life. There are a lot of reasons for this — too much to get into now. Nevertheless, my sexual and non-sexual fantasies are always about calmness or giving up control. What does that say about me?
I’m a human.
Fantasies are a fun and interesting part of sexual wellness. They can say a lot about what you’re looking for or need emotionally. Some, yes, are just fun. But others can have a deeper meaning.
So, who are you? What are your fantasies? Is there a connection there? Tell me one of yours!
Common Fantasies
Two people can look at the same situation and see it, feel it, be in it completely different. This is also true with sexual fantasies. These are just fun ideas we have that swim around our brain — they are deeply tied to our personalities, backgrounds, traumas, etc. Sure, some of them are just so damn hot and there is nothing else to read into. But some are more expansive into our own brains.
Multi-Partnered Sex: More the one person. Fun! Want to dig a little deeper? Ask yourself if the fantasies about people you know or don’t know?
Rough Sex: Aggressive motion. Yes, get it. Really into this? Ask yourself if/how power play a role here? Could be a fun realization!
Role Play: Play through another identity. This could be a great way to gain perspective.
Masochistic Acts: Pleasure from pain. This can help you focus on the here and now — pain and pleasure can develop better mindfulness techniques.
To Explore: The Electrosex Pinwheel — this is an excellent way to explore sensation, light-touch pain, develop trust, and to be more present in sexual exploration. Be safe, use safe words, stay aware.
How To Act Out A Fantasy
Name The Fantasy. What is it? How do you want it to go? Write it out and understand what your boundaries are.
Talk To Your Play Partner. I hate to break this to you but your partner can’t read your mind. Talk about what you’re interested in over dinner — find space away from the bedroom (or play area) to understand what is needed from both (or more) parties.
Safe Words. Safe Words. Safe Words. Love them. Use them.
Get In The Mood! Dress up, put on makeup, play music, create a backstory. The more you feel it, the easier it will be to give into the sexual fantasy.
Lighting. Dim light will go a long way.
Give A Time Limit, If Needed. Hey, we all have to work and jump on to Zoom calls and face the impending doom that is 2020. You need to sleep. Maybe, create a playlist that signifies the start and stop of the fantasy.
Laugh! Yes, this might feel weird. That’s cool! The more you’re committed, the more areas you can explore.
No Shaming. None, no, nada, nothing to do with it.
Establish Aftercare. Before jumping into the fantasy, note what each person needs afterwards: time, space, food, water, a place to cry (very normal).
Boundaries. Some people like to share their experiences, some people don’t. Respect that!
sukistuart is where I’m at.
FOUND FOUND FOUND
Trixie Cosmetics is releasing a vegan, matte red lipstick. I deeply care about this.
What makes a person cool?
Space voting.
Ask a Fat Girl column by Charlotte Zoller x Teen Vogue. You might even see my name!
@bronxnarratives. I’m from here, and love it.
@pasta__ho. This is me. I like slutty pasta. Go follow!
Temporary Stay / p4
And in an instant, Marion’s hand swayed to the right and knocked her pen to the ground. The woman in red took noticed as Marion slowly shimmied her hand and arm to the ground to rescue the pen — also red. The woman smirked, thought it was endearing. And when Marion returned back to her seated position, she locked eyes with from across the narrow street. The woman turned to the waiter and whispered something in his ear. Marion felt uncomfortable.
The waiter walked across the street toward Marion, who gripped the crystal-clear table — her thighs still clearly on display.
“Madam would look you to join her. She has offered to pay for your drink for the relocation.” Marion, stunned, answered quietly. “Oui. Yes, I will be right there.” The waiter placed euros down on the table and softly gathered Marion’s coat. Marion turned and waved to her hot waiter — he would stick in her mind for awhile.
When Marion got to the woman in red, she stood there unsure of what to say. The woman in red starred at her and said, “So, what brings you to Paris?” The waiter pulled out a seat and gestured for Marion to sit. Marion replied, “I needed a change in scenery.”
“No, that’s not it,” the woman in red stated. “You’re looking for more out of your life.” Marion blushed a little and noticed the tattoo that lived on the inside of the woman in red’s wrist as she sipped her wine. A red heart.
(part 5 to come)
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